Choices

As a solo-preneur, there are times when hard choices must be made. For the past year, as I dealt with loss of loved ones, I decided to pull back from writing and concentrate my time and energy on my clients. The death of my ex-husband and business partner, father of my son, resulted in a very complicated estate. Due to mental illness and hoarding on his part, cleaning up and disposing of his material world became another “job”- complex, emotional and exhausting. As I plodded through it all on almost a daily basis, I needed to look for the gift in it all. That first required that I separate the mess from the man. The grieving became two-fold: the loss of his presence in my life and the loss of what might have been. Mental illness robs its victim of peace. It has far-reaching consequences for those who choose to stand by. Although separated, I chose to be there both in his life and in his death. In the gradual separating of him from the consequences of his illness, I finally reached the fullness of acceptance. I had harboured resentment and sometimes anger for the many ways he had complicated our lives for so many years. In choosing acceptance, I was then able to forgive him and, more importantly, myself. I smile now at all we shared that was positive. We had built a successful business, a family and a life. As his illness progressed he was living more in the past and we would often laugh about the many adventures we had shared in business and, the wonderful people we met. Brian remains in my heart. In my vision he is strong and healthy and smiling. He championed my journey into Life Coaching and he is still encouraging me with each new day.