Commitment and Courage

Just to remind you, the 12 C’s to help your children to survive in this “mean” world are:  Consciousness; Core Values; Communication; Comfort Zones; Challenge; Consideration; Consequences; Curiosity; Creativity; Compassion; Courage and Commitment.

Commitment goes beyond thoughts, ideas, strategic plans and verbal declarations.  Commitment is about action, goal-setting and measurable results.  It also, perhaps more importantly, embodies our commitments and promises to others.  A child learns at a very early age whether or not the adults in his/her life follow through on their promises. Learning to trust the people closest to him/her is essential to strong emotional development. Each broken promise leaves a tiny scar on the heart.  As parents, it’s vital that we provide a safe place for our children where they can depend on us for follow-through and support.  In the “mean” world nothing is for certain.  It’s our obligation to be “responsible” in order that they learn to be the same.  Without actions nothing will happen or change.

Courage is so big I hardly know what to say.  What I do know is that there isn’t enough of it in the world.  Courage is Heart. I’m not referring here to the great acts of the noble and famous.  I’m referring to the everyday acts of honouring your values, accepting responsibility for your actions and errors and simply having the courage to be who you really are even when it seems contradictory to what others expect. 

The peaceful Warrior is not without fear.  He/she acknowledges the fears and limitations.  He stands strong and confident in his core values. The true warrior embodies Integrity (the integration of values and principles).  She is armed to face the foes, yet have compassion for them.  He’s prepared to move through fear to create a better, kinder, more peaceful world.

  “Everyday courage has few witnesses. But yours is no less noble because no drum beats for you and no crowds shout your name.”    Robert Louis Stevenson

Are the young people in your life ready to take on the “mean” world?

And, hey, don’t forget to sprinkle it all with lots of Chuckles!

Compassion: The Greatest Gift and #10 of the 12 "C's"

Just imagine what the world would be like if all mankind were kind, compassionate and accepting.  For the Dalai Lama, compassion is the greatest of all character traits.  We were born to be gentle and loving.

True compassion embodies responsibility and action.

I’ve faced adversity and great challenges many times in my life and felt drained and empty.  When I would ask the universe (God) for help, the answer was always the same: go out and be there for someone else.  Sometimes I would have to dig really deep inside myself to find the energy.  What I noticed was that, in doing so, I was lifted up, raised above my own struggles.

So what exactly is compassion? 

Compassion is, first of all, empathy – the ability to step into another’s shoes.  Empathy connects us to all of mankind in the understanding that we are all one. One person’s suffering is hurting us all.  By embracing empathy we accept our responsibility to take action for the good of all. Compassion honours and respects others and their individuality.

It can seem sometimes that the world is a cold and scary place.  It can appear that no one really cares about others.  There’s widespread fear, anger, jealousy, suspicion and negativity.  Feelings of low self-esteem and alienation are epidemic. We hunger for opportunities to feel connected. 

“True compassion is not just an emotional response but a firm commitment founded on reason.  Therefore, a truly compassionate attitude towards others does not change even if they behave negatively.”  Dalai Lama

Where does compassion come from?

We are born to be both the givers and receivers of compassion.  It must be nurtured from birth.  And, as we grow up, we must see and feel it in action, starting at home within the family.  Without that experience, a child cannot know the joy, fulfillment and safety of this deep connection.  What happens in the formative years is crucial.  A child can feel and exhibit empathy before the age of two. 

A WORD OF CAUTION:

Being compassionate does not mean “fixing”, controlling or even giving advice.  That is your self-serving EGO at work.  What all of us long for is to be heard and to be understood, and included.  There is no shortage of “advice” out there.   The action that’s most important is that of being present to others. When you are truly present, your Ego, your judgments and your attachments to outcome are absent.  In the short video, the Dalai Lama describes unbiased compassion.   

  “The true expression of non-violence is compassion.”

The 8th & 9th "C's": Curiosity & Creativity are Soul Mates

There’s such beauty and wonder in observing the natural curiosity of babies and toddlers!  I feel lifted up and very aware of a greater power.  We were all born with the gifts of joy, laughter, curiosity and, yes, creativity (imagination). 

If we’re really lucky, the “outer-world” won’t beat it out of us entirely by the time we reach adulthood.

Add a bit of scepticism, but nurture the natural curiosity of childhood.  Be that child.  If you can do that, you’ll have a better chance of nurturing curiosity and passion in your kids.

From Curiosity flows Creativity.  The possibilities are limitless.  As young parents, we didn’t have much money for toys.  It’s amazing what little ones can do with a box, pots & pans, sheets and towels!  As young entrepreneurs without money, we created a unique and successful business from curiosity, ideas, ideals, imagination and passion. 

It’s possible to add great value to the experiences of others and in the world from the gifts we’re given at birth.

Christmas is a marvelous time for celebrating and nurturing the gifts from our Creator.  If the Christmas season is one of sadness for you, reach out to someone else who could use a lift. 

Merry Christmas - Sharon

The 7th "C": Consequences

Consideration for others brings me to the 7^th “C”, consequences.  Along with the self-centered, me-focused trend come the “blamers”.  It’s not my fault, they say!

Taking responsibility for your words, behaviour and actions takes a high form of maturity and character building.  It’s never too soon to teach your children the consequences of their actions in a positive, kind manner.  The “blame game” is cowardly and serves no one.

What will your kids learn from your behaviors?

The 6th "C": Consideration

This seemingly simple word contains a powerhouse of implications.

I recall, when my son was in his early teens, trying to teach him about good manners and consideration for others and how important it was for his daily interactions with people.  His response: Mom, everyone will think I’m a dork!

A dork?  Yes, it’s really a word – I looked it up.  It means social misfit, among other things.  I felt a stab of fear go through me.  He was at that age where fitting in with his peers was crucial.  I was definitely outnumbered. 

Giving up on this important issue wasn’t an option so I decided that I could still insist on these values at home.  We could set the example as well as requesting that he honour them at home and at work.  He worked part time at our store which became a great place to walk the talk. 

Good manners and consideration for others is about respect.  And, it seemed that our son was correct and the world was changing.  In this increasingly fast-paced world, people are becoming more self-absorbed, self-centred and thoughtless towards others. 

Consideration of others first requires that we become conscious, awake and present.  In other words, it means shifting your focus.  This is where the real power exists. 

When you are experiencing struggle, anxiety, and adversity, shift your focus away from yourself.  Show kindness and consideration and really listen to someone else.  This is a powerful tool for healing yourself and making an impact on others.  Consideration and respect can go a long way to calming the anger, chaos and frenzy of today’s world.

If we had more dorks in the world maybe there would be fewer bullies.

The 4th "C": Comfort Zones (or not)

Comfort Zones can feel....well, comfortable.  But, take a closer look. 

What is the emotional landscape in your zone?  What does your body tell you each day?  What is the dialogue of that verbal tape that runs endlessly in your head?

There is a deeper place in you that knows that where you are is not really where you want to be.  So, what holds you there?

Fear is the culprit that keeps you bound in chains – stuck, confused and often overwhelmed.  Your inner saboteur happily feeds off fear and wants you right where you are. 

What would you be doing if there was no fear?  Who would you be?

What if you could lean into your knowledge and instincts and step openly and calmly into unknown territory?

It’s human nature to resist change. Change is the hardest thing any of us can do.  To break free means to carve new neural pathways in the brain.  Most of our fears and habits are imprinted in early childhood as we seek meaning in our surroundings with a brain that is not fully developed to interpret the world.  Our reactions and emotions are triggered by current events that remind us of early emotional imprinting. 

What if each of us made small changes, steps, into creating a better world?

The good news is that science has proven that you are never too old to flip the switch and create new interpretations, break old habits and experience the freedom of new perspectives, unfettered by the past.

The process of change requires that you first become aware of where you are now in body, mind and heart.  Recognize and accept what you discover. Reorganize your thoughts and examine what you really want.  Create an action plan and then practise, practise and practise.  This is a process that is more difficult alone.  Find yourself a non-judgmental success partner.

Blast the walls that entrap your creativity and fulfillment in the dead zone.  Step out and differentiate yourself with all your uniqueness and gifts.

Do You Know Your Core Values?

I have absolutely no sense of direction and, the only person I know who is worse is my lifetime friend, Trudy.  Her husband swears we spent too much time in Lake Erie.  When I was working in Saint John a number of years ago, my son was afraid he’d never see me again!

Although I can easily become physically lost, I am grounded in my core values – my Inner Compass.  When I stray off that path, the alarm sounds and I know exactly where I need to return. 

When was the last time you consciously examined your values? 

Most of us are so entrenched in busy-ness, we simply don’t go there.  We often fail to hear the alarm. 

The alarm is incongruence.

The symptoms are anxiety, stress, sadness, irritability, sleep issues, physical illness such as headaches, gastro-intestinal disturbances or eating disorders, to name a few. 

When your core values become integrated with your beliefs and your actions, habits and behaviors, there’s a sense of freedom.  With freedom comes responsibility and trust.  Trust in yourself.

Do you really know the core values of your family members, your co-workers, your significant other?  Do your values line up with theirs?

Your Inner Compass is your Truth.  Core Values are an essential piece of the process of life coaching.